Harry Potter Randomness
by VietNaMaEnglish
Summary: Will Neville finally beat Ron at Monopoly? Will Jeffy the soccer-playing giraffe finally beat Malfoy? Will Chandler Bing marry Ross Geller? Stay tuned for the next episode of Winnie The Pooh!
1. Rhythmic Ron?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except a super crazy monkey that only eats peanut butter toast.  
  
~ Rhythmic Ron?~  
  
One day, Hermione and Harry were walking down the hall.  
  
Hermione: So, Harry, how's your pet monkey doing?  
  
Harry: He's okay but he bit off my leg the other day.  
  
Hermione: *stares at Harry's leg* I can see that.  
  
Ron pops out of nowhere and starts doing back flips and splits. Everyone watched in awe as Ron twirled around gracefully with Neville, who was also dancing with Ron.  
  
Everyone: *clap clap clap*  
  
Draco: *sniff* That was so beautiful!  
  
End of Dream.  
  
Harry wakes up suddenly with cold sweat all over his face.  
  
Harry: What a weird dream.  
  
Harry wakes up Ron and tells him about the dream he just had.  
  
Ron: Hmmm.that is a weird dream.  
  
Harry and Ron walk out of the common room to go eat breakfast when they noticed something strange about the people.  
  
They were doing gymnastics just like how Ron danced in Harry's dream. Dumbledore, who was the best, was in a sparkly leotard, and was also dancing with Snape, who was in a pink tutu.  
  
Harry: *in low voice* Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
A/N: Will Professor Mcgonagall turn Indian? Will Crabbe and Goyle go on Broadway? Find out on the next episode of Dharma & Greg! 


	2. Another Purple Monkey Ambush

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this chapter that you recognize. ALL PURPLE MONKEYS ARE EVIL!  
  
~Another Purple Monkey Ambush~  
  
One day, the trio was walking down the lawn wearing hula skirts and lei necklaces (why? I don't know).  
  
Hermione: So, Ron, how's your pet rock doing?  
  
Ron: Oh, you mean Alfred? Well, I was hungry yesterday so I ate him.  
  
Hermione: *stares at the big lump on Ron's throat* I can see that.  
  
Then, out of nowhere, Harry spots a purple monkey wearing an eye patch.  
  
Harry: *point* Look! A purple monkey wearing an eye patch! And it's eating toast too!  
  
Everyone: *stares at monkey* Whoa.  
  
Monkey: *glares at Harry and chew toast slowly*  
  
*crunch*  
  
*crunch*  
  
*crunch*  
  
Suddenly, a group of more purple monkeys with toast appeared. They started running toward the trio with the monkey wearing the eye patch as the leader.  
  
Colin Creevey: *takes pictures* Wow! Another purple monkey ambush!  
  
Monkeys: *starts throwing toast*  
  
Ron: *grabs a piece of toast and starts eating it* mmm..with peanut butter too..  
  
But, unfortunately, the monkeys outran them and trampled over them, but because Harry, Hermione and Ron are important characters, they didn't die. But Harry noticed that his other leg was eaten off.  
  
Harry: *shakes fist* DARN THOSE PURPLE MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!  
  
A/N: Will Harry meet his long lost Spanish twin? Will Alfred come back to life? Will Winnie the Pooh finally get his honey? Stay tuned! 


	3. El Harry

~El Harry~  
  
One day, after Herbology, Harry, Hermione and Ron were walking down the hallway (well, Harry was rolling down the hallway cause he had no more legs so he went around in a wheelchair). Anyways, suddenly, they heard some music.  
  
Hermione: You hear that?  
  
Ron: Yea...wonder where it's coming from?  
  
Harry: I think it's coming from the quidditch field...  
  
Hermione: Let's go check it out!  
  
Harry: Okay, I just hope that there are any more purple monkeys...  
  
So the trio walk to the Quidditch field and find some Mexicans singing and dancing. Above was a banner that said "Hola!"  
  
Ron: Hm...I never knew there would be a Mexican festival or something...  
  
So the trio started dancing with the music when Harry noticed someone that looked incredibly like him.  
  
Harry to the guy who looks like him: Ummm...hi, what's your name?  
  
Guy: Mi nombre es El Harry. (My name is Harry)  
  
Harry (who suddenly understood Spanish): Harry Potter???  
  
El Harry: Si. (Yes)  
  
Harry: Whoa! You look exactly like me!  
  
El Harry: ¿Qué sucedió a sus piernas? (What happened to your legs?)  
  
Harry: O um.........some monkeys bit it off.........  
  
El Harry: Ululación (Wow)  
  
So Harry, Hermione and Ron left to go to sleep and snuggle with their teddy bears.  
  
A/N: Will Ron turn Asian? Will Neville find his new talent of weight lifting? Stay tuned for the next episode of Rollie Pollie Ollie! 


	4. Afrotitis

Disclaimer: Donkey's on the edge should be put in jail o yea and I don't own Harry Potter you silly goose. O and don't you think Ron should have more hair?  
  
~Afro-itis~  
  
One day Ron woke up with an afro.  
  
Harry: Whoa dude what is with that hair?  
  
Ron: I just needed some more hair, fo' shizzel dizzel.  
  
Then Ron and Harry go to meet Hermione.  
  
Hermione (while she touches her hair): Wow it's like looking into a mirror.  
  
Ron (while combing his hair with afro-pick): High-five-izzle ya'll!  
  
Hermione and Ron high-five and then disco music starts all of a sudden *Cargo fever you gotta boogie down*.  
  
Then they notice they have 70's clothes on and there was a disco ball on the wall. The two of them start disco-ing. And they all lived happily ever after except Harry because he did not have legs to disco with.  
  
Poor Harry. :(  
  
A/N: Will Britney Spears and Hermione Granger get in a fight? Will everyone die in a freak gasoline fight? Will Neville finally beat Ron at Monopoly? Stay tuned and boogie on. 


	5. Harry Retires

Disclaimer: If you don't have any legs, find a way to disco. Oh yea, I don't own Harry Potter or the movie Zoolander.  
  
A/N: You won't really understand this story if you haven't watched Zoolander yet.  
  
~Harry Retires~  
  
Hermione: Harry, why are you so glum?  
  
Harry: Because, sadly, I don't have any legs to disco with!  
  
Ron and Hermione together: Do you know what would help you sort out these difficult difficulties?  
  
Harry: Difficult difficulties?  
  
Hermione: Ok then how about tough difficulties?  
  
Harry: Yea that's better.  
  
Hermione: Ok where were we? Oh yea!  
  
Ron and Hermione: Do you know what would help you sort out these tough difficulties?  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Ron and Hermione together: An orange mocha frappuccino!!!!!  
  
Harry: Oh you guys. *smiles gaily *  
  
Then the three of them hop into their car and Wham's! hit song "Wake Me up Before You Go-Go" starts playing in the background. And everyone has a smile on there face.  
  
Then they go to get some gas for their car. While having a gasoline fight, Ron stupidly decides to light his fart on fire. Thus, everyone and everything explodes except Harry because he was to busy looking at a cloud.  
  
Harry notices his two best friends were just killed in a freak gasoline fight.  
  
Harry (on his knees): Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *takes breath * oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Later at the funeral...  
  
Harry: I'm so very sad today to know that my two best friends, Hermerkuley and the red head one, died today. So I have decided to * can't finish what he says because a DJ starts playing music *  
  
Dumbledore: Oh it's Malfoy; he's so hot right now.  
  
Harry: Excuse me! I just wanted to say I am retiring from the male modeling business.  
  
Dumbledore: You were never a male model.  
  
Harry: Oh yea...well I just wanted to say that I am retiring from whatever it was that I was doing before!  
  
Everyone in the audience is shocked. And Harry storms away from the funeral never to be seen again.  
  
A/N: Will Harry ever become a male model again? Was Harry ever really a male model? Can Hermione read minds? Find out on the next merry adventures of Dragon Tales. 


	6. Totally Random

Disclaimer: MOUNT KILAMANJARO! Don't you love saying that when you are hyper? So anyways I says to Linda I says, .oh wait that's another story. O yea not the owner of anything except umm lots of other things.  
  
~Totally Random~  
  
So one day Malfoy is in home economics class. And from across the school, Harry smells this delicious smell. So Harry comes crawling down the halls to find the smell. And he goes into Malfoy's home economics class and eats all the treats.  
  
Harry: My precious they are all mine MINE!!!!  
  
Malfoy (gaily): tsk I spent 4 hours on those now whatever am I to do?  
  
Then Ron comes in and he has a really big mustache.  
  
Hermione: Mama mia thatsa bigga mustache *kisses her lips like the Italian people do *  
  
Ron: I have a mustache?  
  
Hermione and Ron are both confused. Then the camera shoots to Malfoy and he is crying. Then it shoots back to Ron and Hermione and they are doing the polka. And they all live happily ever after except Malfoy because Harry ate his food and he doesn't have a big mustache like Ron.  
  
Poor Malfoy.  
  
A/N: Who will be first to grow a big mustache like Ron's, Hermione or Malfoy? Will Jeffy the soccer-playing giraffe beat Harry at soccer? Will yellow be the new pink? Stay tuned and eat healthy! 


	7. Jeffy

Disclaimer: If ever you get a giraffe the first thing you have to do is teach him soccer. O yea I don't own Harry Potter. hey but guess what I do own.common just try and guess.  
  
~Jeffy~  
  
Harry: Hey guys look at this cool giraffe I found!  
  
Hermione: Mama mia thatsa bigga giraffe-a!  
  
Ron: *stares at Hermione confused y she talks like an Italian person and he is thinking, hmm I wonder what a chocolate cloud would taste like, as long as it doesn't taste like strawberry it is fine with me * Hey Harry can we name him chocolate cloud?  
  
Harry: No I was thinking something more like Jeffy.  
  
Hermione: Jeffy sounds good. I'm gonna make a pizza!  
  
Me: Is this story going anywhere?  
  
Harry: What story?  
  
Everyone stares at me as I slowly back out of the scene. Then out of no where a soccer ball comes rolling into the scene and Jeffy starts playing soccer with it, very well mind you.  
  
Harry: Whoa! Ron you got a big pimple! Hey Jeffy is playing soccer!  
  
Later, on the suddenly noticeable soccer field.  
  
The crowd: GO JEFFY! YOU DA GIRAFFE!  
  
Harry whispers to Ron because Hermione is to busy making the pasta and the pizza and stroking her long mustache: One more score from Jeffy and we win the match, better yet we beat Malfoy's team!  
  
Ron: MMMMMMM Chocolate clouds * licks lips *  
  
Harry: WOOOHOOOO WE WON THE GAME!  
  
Hermione: WOOOHOOO hey anyone wants a pizza?  
  
Harry: Hey Jeffy you did great!  
  
Jeffy: Harry I can't talk remember? Harry: Oh yea  
  
Hermione: Hey who wants some meatballs hot off the grill?  
  
Crowd: SHUT UP HERMIONE!  
  
Hermione: Hey I make food for yous all and alls yous alls do is yella? Fine I'll go back to normal brainiac Hermione that doesn't make the best Italian food in the world!  
  
Five minutes later.  
  
Hermione: Well thanks to all of you I have redorkulated!  
  
Away from all this Hermione business, Mallfoy and Harry were having a fight about Jeffy.  
  
Malfoy: Potter, Dillard was mine first so give him back!  
  
Harry: What kind of name is Dillard?  
  
Malfoy: Well he is mine so gimme him.  
  
Hermione: Well since I am the smart one now I have calculated a way to solve a problem.  
  
Ron: Good old Hermione always there to do something and .mmmmm chocolate clouds.  
  
Harry: What did you think of Hermione?  
  
Hermione: Well it is very easy; whoever wins this sumo wrestling fight wins Jeffy back.  
  
Harry: Good thing I've been tucking in the pounds these last 5 years. *undoes a big belt and Harry is automatically 10 times his normal size *  
  
Malfoy: Oh no I'm just a skinny little pale boy, I'll never win, but I will do my best.  
  
Hermione: Let's get this sumo fight on!  
  
Well of course Harry whooped Malfoy's booty in the sumo fight, and happily Harry wins Jeffy back. Then Harry, Ron, and Hermione jumped on to Jeffy and rode off into the chocolate clouds.  
  
Ron: Dreams do come true! And they all lived happily ever after, except Malfoy because he lost his best friend, Jeffy, and he lost his favorite nickel.  
  
Poor Malfoy. hey look a nickel!  
  
Malfoy: NOOOOOOOOOOOO don't take Phill away also!!!  
  
Me: Phill?  
  
Malfoy: Well a nickel has gotta have a name also.  
  
Me: True dat, true dat.  
  
Poor nickel less, giraffe less Malfoy.  
  
A/N: Will Malfoy win Jeffy back? Will Malfoy find Phill Jr.? Will Ron get stuck in a kangaroo's pouch. again? Stay tuned and always remember to dream. 


	8. Monopoly Honey

Disclaimer: If Winterfresh doesn't make you hyper, try Trident gum. Oh yea I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
~Monopoly~  
  
Neville: Hey guys guess what! I finally beat Ron at Monopoly!  
  
Hermione: Celebrate! Celebrate! Come on and celebrate! *like that one commercial for Celebrex *  
  
Winnie the Pooh: I finally got my honey!!!  
  
Tigger: TTTTTTTTTT-errriffic  
  
Hermione: Celebrate! Celebrate! Come on and celebrate! *like that one commercial for Celebrex *  
  
A/N: Will Hermione switch from the Celebrex commercial to the Mentos commercial? Will the air conditioning at Hogwarts finally work? Will Ron and Hermione go on an adventure inside Harry's nose??? Stay tuned and don't be hatin'. 


	9. Durango Draco

Disclaimer: What if Mary had a little lamb with fleece wasn't white as snow? O yea and I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
~Durango Draco~  
  
Draco was so depressed that he lost Dillard and Phil so he decided there was only one thing to do, become a cowboy.  
  
The camera shoots to Ron.  
  
Ron: I'm so poor. There is only one thing to do....pick my nose vigorously for jewels. No wait, there's a better way....rob the Bank.  
  
The camera shoots to Ron's butt and he farts. Then camera shoots to Ron's eyes and he's squinting slyly.  
  
Draco: My heroic senses are tingling! To the Horsemobile! Away!  
  
Cameraman: *stares at a plastic bag floating around* O the wonders of a plastic bag..flying up towards the wind telling us..maybe there's more to life than just....living.....  
  
Everyone: Hello?! Cameraman! The action's over here! Hello????  
  
Cameraman: O yea...I forgot....  
  
The camera shoots to Ron robbing the Bank with a disguise.  
  
Velma: Jinkies! I've had an idea!!!!! Maybe if we pull the robber's costume off, we'll find out who the REAL thief is! *giggle giggle*  
  
Draco: *takes off the costume* Aha! A horse!  
  
Horse: Actually, I'm not a horse..I'm a broom...*unzips his costume and it reveals a broom*  
  
Draco: Aha! A broom!  
  
Broom: Actually, I'm not a broom...I'm a bear..*swallows Malfoy*  
  
Britney Spears: Whoa! It ate Malfoy!  
  
Nightcrawler, from the X-Men, suddenly appears and grabs Britney Spears.  
  
Nightcrawler: *evil cackle* I'm hungry!!!!!! *cackles again*  
  
Everyone: What in good gravy meatballs just happened?  
  
Hermione: *in her Italian mood again* I'va gottsa meatballsa!  
  
Bear: Hello? Story over here??  
  
Everyone: *stops eating their meatballs* Oh please do finish, bear.  
  
Bear: Actually, I didn't eat Malfoy..*unzips costume and reveals Ron and Malfoy*  
  
The police officers suddenly appear and arrest Ron.  
  
Ron: And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!  
  
Velma: And don't forget Scooby!  
  
Scooby: Scooby dooby doo!!  
  
Everyone even Ron laughs.  
  
Camera shoots to Draco on his horsemobile walking off into the sunset.  
  
Draco: *heroically* Whenever there's danger around, I'll be there.  
  
Hermione: *dreamily* My hero!!! *giggle*  
  
Narrator: *in Western voice* Durango Draco!!! *whiplash*  
  
A/N: Will Draco ever need to rescue anyone else? Will Hermione ever finish cleaning her room? Will Harry get lost at sea while looking for his lost penny? Stay tuned and snuffaluffagus. 


	10. Place Title Here

Disclaimer: "Don't be so quick to walk away, dance with me, I want to rock your body please stay, dance with me, you don't have to admit you want to stay, dance with me, so let me rock your body eh till the break of day." I swear I get that song in my head at least 10 times a day.now it's your turn to suffer muahahahahahaha! I don't own Harry Potter, but J.K. Rowling does, I bet she is extremely rich.  
  
~Place title here~  
  
Camera shoots to Ron, Hermione, and Harry doing the worm down the lawn *it is good for the stomach muscles *.  
  
Ron: dude lets play rock-em-sockem robots!  
  
Hermi: fo'shizzel dizzel that sounds like a planizzle.  
  
Harry: Qu`e? * Spanish for "what?" *  
  
Ron: YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!  
  
Lots of old people laugh.  
  
Me: I'm not hyper enough to finish! This is boring I need my partner in crime.. AWAY I GO!!!!!!  
  
Harry: few.. She finally left. now we can do what we were waiting for!  
  
Hermi: ill get the dough.  
  
Ron: ill get the sauce.  
  
Harry: man this pizza is gonna be awesome.  
  
A/N: Will their pizza be in fact awesome? Will Justin Timberlake keep on rockin' his body? And the long-awaited one . will Alfred come back to life? Stay tuned!  
  
Another Disclaimer: I don't own "Rock Your Body". Justin Timberlake does.der! 


	11. We’re Off to See the Wizard, the Wonderf...

Disclaimer: I don't like piecrusts because they are too crusty. Oh yea! I don't own Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz or The Lord of the Rings, but I do own most of my teeth! Oh by the way, sorry for not reviewing in forever; I have my reasons.  
  
~We're Off to See the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Hogwarts~  
  
So anyways... Hermione, Ron, and that other one were walking down the red brick road because bricks are supposed to be red and along came this robot that looked a lot like Snape, but he spray painted himself silver.  
  
Then Harry was like, "Hey man, are you off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Hogwarts?"  
  
Then Hermione was like, "Hey! Whoa! Harry since when do you have glasses?" And then Harry melts away because having glasses was supposed to be a magical secret.  
  
Now it's just down to Ron and Hermione and the silver Snape, oh and Smeagol cause he is just so cool, yet evil.  
  
Then.umm.yea.so they are all off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of O... I mean Hogwarts. Then while they are skipping down the RED brick road Hermione's hair starts to fall out and Ron says, "This must be the work of the evil Longbottom!" And then everyone laughs because Longbottom is a funny name, and then Hermione cries because she is almost as bald as Smeagol.  
  
And then they all start singing Alkaline Trio's song "We've Had Enough" cause that is one awesome song.  
  
After a while they meet Alfred, Ron's long-lost eaten pet rock, and Ron and Alfred run to each other *slow motion of course* and after that they keep on traveling on to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Hogwarts.  
  
And then.wait hold on I'm starting all my paragraphs with "And then".o well. they meet Malfoy but it's no normal Malfoy. This Malfoy has straw sticking out of him and he walks like a drunken man.  
  
And then.haha there I go again. Harry comes back and says, " Sorry guys, I had to use the little boy's room." And then. umm. o yea. Hermione buys a wig because she is now bald and Ron buys a wig cause. well. he just needed one, and so did Smeagol.  
  
And then they finally reach the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Hogwarts. And then the wizard *which is actually. umm. let's see. umm. o, I know! Jack Black* says to them, "Hey man look at me!" and he solves all their problems. And then they start singing "Hey Ya" by Outkast because that song is really popular, and I am not kidding you, I saw that music video on the Indian channel once.  
And then the next day Harry, Ron, and baldy are back at Hogwarts...or are they? DUN, DUN, DUN!!!! .!  
  
A/N: Did they actually come back to Hogwarts? Will Hermione be bald forever? Will Ron eat Alfred for the second time? Will Emma Watson ever stop looking like a man? Stay tuned and don't forget about all those little people that don't make a difference  
  
ALKALINE TRIO IS THE BEST BAND EVER! 


	12. Ghettofizzled

Disclaimer: This one is rated PG because I say some naughty words...o my! O and I mention boobs and a whole butt-load of ghettoness. Prisoner of Azkaban is coming up! Woopedeedoo!  
  
Ghettofizzled  
  
One day, Lindsay Lohan (you know that one really freckly girl from all those crappy movies?) comes to Hogwarts. Once entering the Gryffindor common room she yells "Hello everyone! I'm Chesty LaRoo, a.k.a. Boob Amagoo, a.k.a. Hermione Granger!" After that, Hermione gets super pissed off at that freckly girl so she gets super ghetto!  
  
Hermione: Nu-uh home-girl! Don't you be dissin me al up in this hizzouse! I'm about to get all ghetto up in your face!  
  
Boob Amagoo: Oh my! I must get out of here! Well me and the twins are off!  
  
Meanwhile, Ron is sitting in the corner getting fatter by the minute. Always with the eating Ron, always with the scrumptious, delicious tacos.  
  
Ron in between bites of food : I'm sorry. I can't help it! I just love food. Just because I can fit a whole city under this enormous flap of fat on my pinky doesn't mean I'm overweight!  
  
One of Ron's 500 chins: Yea! Don't make fun of us!  
  
Then, the camera shoots to Hermione and her ghettofied spirits are so high, everyone in the room automatically gets an afro. Even Harry. Cause Ron ate Harry because lets face it Harry's a stupid little cry baby and its all about Ron and Hermione! And out of no where Malfoy breaks in the room with almost as much ghettoness as Hermione. Even his highly gelled hair grew into an extremely shiny afro.  
  
Malfoy: Alright ya'll it's time to get crazy up in this bizneritch! And then he break dances in front of Hermione like a crazy little...uhh... tree or something Uhhh what now?! You just got served! It's like you where at McDonalds! Over a million served!!  
  
Hermione: O no you didn't Mal-fizzle! I'm about to go all up in your face! Protect yourself fool! And don't do drugs! and then Hermione does the worm, Macarena, an Irish jig, and even a bit of the river dance Uhhh take that Mal-fizzle! You got served! No one can beat my mad styles!  
  
While Hermione waits around for the next person to challenge her, she gets a bigger afro, about 50 more tons of bling bling and some Rocca-wear clothes. And out of no where the most unexpected thing happened....Ron split into two people because he was so fat! And then an even more unexpectedererer thing happened..........wwwwwhhhhheeeee ..........wwwwwhhhhheeeee..........ok hold on one more..........wwwwwhhhhheeeee..........  
  
Alfred comes bursting into the room! No one could believe their eyes! Not even Ron cause he had like 4 eyes now since he's so fat! Alfred got so ghettofied that he was gold! He had on his shoulder a hugmongoid boombox blasting "Yeah" by Usher and everyone is shocked!  
  
Alfred: Alright, alright ya'll ain't seen nothing yet!  
  
Mal-fizzle: Alright alright fool! I'm leaving this hizzouse cause this shiznett is getting crazy!  
  
Then Alfred does the flyest moves but since he is a rocks the "flyest moves" he can do is rolling around   
  
Everyone in the hizzouse: OOOOO SSSSNNNNAAAAPPPP!!!  
  
A/N: Yeah! Don't you love the ghettoness!? Sorry to any of you Lindsay Lohan fans (for all one of you) open your eyes! You'll see she truly sucks! And will Alfred ever come back to once again settle all the ghettofied differences by busting out his bad-ass moves? Will Harry ever come back? Will it ever get hot and steamy with Ron and Hermione? Let's hope so! 


	13. Harry Potter and… uhh…ooo I know Harry P...

Disclaimer: Alright, finally I've gotten around to making a parody of the new movie because I mean come on that movie had so many mistakes in it that it was so awesome! Oh yes I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter and his little magical buddies but I do own my watch again! Oh and I just figured out that Slytherin is named that way because snakes slither! Ha! I mean who would of thunk it!  
  
Harry Potter and... uhh...ooo I know Harry Potter and the Parody of Azkaban! Ha! I made a funny!  
  
The scene we are now seeing is the beginning of the movie with the overly fat man that looks a lot like Don Vito so we shall call it Don Vito with a side of mustache.  
  
Don Vito with a side of mustache: Oh Harry's parents were so retarded! That's why Harry is retarded to the max!  
  
Harry: Oi! Shut up! I'm British!  
  
So, Harry leaves and jumps on the magic school bus. And then, out of nowhere, this huge pimple comes up to him.  
  
Huge pimple: HE'S A MURTHERER! No wait, murderer. Or is it murtherer? O well! MURTHERER!  
  
So, Harry gets freaked out and jumps into the Leaky Cauldron. Then, about five seconds later, he hears Hermione and Ron going at it no not like that you silly goose!   
  
Hermione: O Ron! You can be so retarded at times! Why must I love you so?!  
  
Ron: Hey man! I'm hungry, constipated, and British! Stop talking to me and make me a sandwich! BLERGH!  
  
Alright so then about two seconds later they are on the Hogwarts Express and Ron is looking constipated as usual. But then, out of nowhere this creepy hooded dude comes into the room.  
  
Creepy hooded dude: I'M SPICY!  
  
So Harry took a nap cause that's what he does when he gets scared. And of course Ron and Hermione started making out cause that's what they do when they get scared.  
  
And then they are at Hogwarts playing a litto game o' Quidditch without Cho Chang mind you! But since it is raining so hard, Harry had to put on his scuba gear. Out of nowhere, Harry fell down because he just realized how very British he was!  
  
So Harry ends up in the hospital place and when he wakes up he uhh well he uhh he opened his eyes like normal people do when they wake up. And then the camera shoots to Ron and Hermione leaving on their little date to Hogsmeade.  
  
camera shoots to that one scene in front of the Shrieking Shack   
  
Hermione: Hey, do you wanna make out?  
  
Ron: Huh? What!  
  
Hermione: By the Shrieking Shack of course.  
  
Ron: Ooo ok.  
  
And then Malfoy comes in.  
  
Malfoy: Oi! I bet you I'm more British than you! Filthy little Mudblood! Haha I just made fun of you what are you gonna do about it!! You got served! starts doin the robot   
  
And then Harry comes in all invisible like.  
  
Harry: Haha! You can't see me! You'll never know that Harry Potter is standing in front of you right now!  
  
Malfoy: Man...wait ahhh! What happened to my hair! Crabbe! Goyle! Emergency #5876 just happened!  
  
Crabbe: You mean there has been a loss of gel?!  
  
Goyle: To the gel-mobile! Stat!  
  
A little while later, Hermione, Ron, and Harry started to leave Hogsmeade. But then, Hermione remembered she had to hit Malfoy. So Hermione grabbed this chair and bashed Malfoy over the head WWF style.  
  
Hermione: That's for interrupting my love-fest with Ron! smashes Hilary Duff over the head And that's for making so many crappy movies and shows! smahes Mary-kate and Ashley Olsen over the head And that's for a very happy birthday!  
  
Alright, and now they are in Trelawney's class.  
  
Ron: Well Harry it looks like you are very constipated but extremely happy about it.  
  
Harry: No, Ron, that's your cup.  
  
Hermione: ARGH! I've had enough of this class! ROOOOAAAARRRR! drops magic eight ball I'm leaving this class and never coming back! So suck on this! moons everyone in the class HAHA!  
  
Trelawney: Oh my o I need some biscuits o my umm yes! (haha I couldn't think of what to say for her haha)  
  
Alright then Ron is dragged into the forest for some odd reason.  
  
Ron: Hey man I didn't finish my lunch! SANDWHITCH!!!!! COME TO ME!!!!!  
  
Hermione: O no! Not my little Ronniekins! OOOO! BOOHOOBOOHOO!  
  
Harry in a dramatic voice : Come Hermione, we must go forth and find Ronald or else this bomb on my leg will go off any second!  
  
So the first place they look for Ron is this homeless dudes house, and, but of course, Ron is there chatting away with said homeless guy.  
  
Hermione: O Ron! I'm so glad I found you! smoochy smoochy   
  
Homeless dude: Hey kid with cool hair! I'm your godfather now let's go get our lives sucked out by some dementors.  
  
Harry: Okie dokie! Tralalalala skips away with homeless dude   
  
Hermione: Hey man we gotta go back in time to like uhh save some stuff and plus I'm pretty hungry so come on.  
  
Meanwhile back in the before time or the long, long ago...  
  
Hermione: Alright now lets go save some youngens. Wait, wait, wait! Hold up! Is that really what my hair looks like from behind? Man I should use some of Malfoy's gel.  
  
Malfoy: DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME BEFORE! I HAVE NO GEL!!!! WAHHHHH!!!  
  
Snape: Turn to page three hundred and ninety-four!  
  
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HE IS SO FREAKIN' BRITISH!  
  
Meanwhile, back in the present...  
  
Ron: Well, my leg's broken and no one is around...NAKED TIME!  
  
Meanwhile back in the past...  
  
Hermione: Well we just saved a whole bunch of people and a lot of money on our car insurance. So, we better go back to the present.  
  
So back in the present, Harry finally realizes he got a new broom. So he decides to fly it into this huge screen and crashes into it.  
  
Audience: What a rip off! You left out a whole bunch of stuff!  
  
So, the movie goes back in time again, and, once again, everyone is British as usual and Ron and Hermione are STILL making out.  
  
THE END!  
  
A/N: Will Hermione and Ron EVER just admit they like each other cause for all of you out there that think Harry and Hermione are "destined" watch the third movie and the very end of the second movie. Will Malfoy get his gel back? Will everyone stop being so darn British that it's starting to get scary? Stay tuned and listen to Alkaline Trio, Brand New, and Coheed and Cambria. 


End file.
